Motherhood Musings: You are home

Motherhood Musings: You are home

Sitting here on the couch as my little one, now two falls into a slumber on my chest.

It makes me think of the first year of motherhood and the adjustment to what the reality of caring for a little one actually looks and feels like. 

I remember the days where I just needed some space. To not have a baby on my chest all the time. Though I loved it and adored the cuddles I did also need some separation to learn to reconnect with my new mother self. 

Time does flow so quickly when you have little ones. I blinked and he’s now two. 

A curious little creature. Adventurous , playful, cheeky, determined. 

Before I knew it the naps on me became naps on the sofa as I slipped away to have a cup of tea and drink it hot. Uninterrupted. 

Today has been quite a cuddly day for my little one as he ventures off further and further.

Getting comfortable with more separation and building his confidence up. 

I’ve noticed how he has started to retreat into my loving arms. If something has unnerved him or he gets up set, into my arms he runs. 

It made me see that I am his home. I am his safety. 

I step back and allow him to explore himself and his limits. Ready to step in at any minute to make sure he’s safe and supported. 

The first year now feels like such a blur, but I know I struggled. 

And although I struggled at times, I did it. 

I got through the grueling repetitiveness of sleepless nights and broken sleep. 

I got through the anxiety of constant worry and checking on his slumbering sleep to make sure he was still breathing. 

I slowly but surely learnt to listen to my intuition as a mother. Something we all have to remember. To trust ourselves and what feels right for us and our children. 

There was a time at the beginning where I thought fuck. This is it. I’m never going to sleep or get space again. 

At times it felt monotonous and repetitive. 

It’s true what they say, it goes by with the blink of an eye. 

It’s just a phase.

This moment shall pass. 

After learning how I want to handle big emotions of my little one as he finds his independence I am now at a space where I feel I have a handle on things. 

I don’t let the big emotions rock my world as much or take them on as my own. Something I quickly had to learn as it really dragged me down.

I have learnt to be a space holder and hold assertiveness when I need to, to ensure boundaries. 

I do love being a mother. 

To know that I am home to this little soul is an indescribable feeling. 

If i’m honest, i didn’t know if i would get there but i have and it feels utterly delicious. 

It’s a love I’ve never felt. 

And now, as the space has come in and I am dropping deeper into myself as a woman, a mother, a partner the broodiness has kicked in. 

Thank you summer and thank you little one for showing me that I could do this again. 

One day. 

Finding Balance

Finding balance in motherhood

With everything that’s going on in the world It seemed best to take a slow and gentle approach to the start of 2021.

Here in the UK it’s still going to be a while till we find a new normal and so I decided to take my time and continue the retreat through January.

Working with the seasons like this is a great way to bring more flow into your life. Winter = Retreat time!

One of the biggest lessons I had last year was trying to do too much.
It was my first year being a mum back at work again and running a business as well as trying to keep on top of everything else.
Often I found myself taking on everything which created more tension and frustration within me. Really what I should have been doing is asking for help.

Because that’s the thing right, as mums we find ourselves pulled in so many directions that often it can feel easier to try and do it all ourselves. When really this is a recipe for disaster. We can’t work from a burnt out space. It just won’t work. We need elements of release factored into our time so that we can unwind and re-energise ourselves.

I know for me that because I didn’t factor in these times as much as I should have been doing that I became a ticking time bomb ready to explode. 

Thankfully I have a great partner that more often than not knows me better than I do myself. He regularly called me out and put his foot down that I NEEDED to take some time out.

So this year I have decided to optimise my time, make self care practices my priority and to ask for help when I need it.

Finding balance in Motherhood and the hats we wear takes daily tinkering.
Some days move with ease, some can be a challenge. Children bring an element of chaos to life, especially when they’re little. This means that if we have big goals set for our day and they’re going through something like a growth spurt, an illness or maybe teething can throw a spanner in the works. The amount we could do one day suddenly goes to pot and requires us to drop our expectations, some days that may look like dropping everything so that we can solely focus on our children when they need us.

One thing I have found is that when things just aren’t working and our children are wanting our attention it is best to stop trying to force something that isn’t going to work. If we push we will find ourselves in a space of tension and forcefully trying to do something. When we push we come up against more resistance. When we let go you will probably find that you have a really beautiful experience of focused attention solely on your little one/s. And well, that will do wonders for the both of you.

So what are on my list of priorities when it comes to self care and things that nourish me?

Firstly it’s art. Art brings me into a space of flow and that feeling of flow allows the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that rationalising things, making decision processing information) to go dark. This means the mind is then free to act in new ways, reach new conclusions and function beyond the disparaging voice of our inner critic. As a result, the mind adopts a novel, childlike perspective which produces associations and conclusions that are daring, innovative and courageous. Basically it allows your mind to quieten and allow time to slip away and get really present in the moment.

Second is Journaling. Journaling allows me to express the messiness of my monkey mind. I find that my mind is so active that sometimes I need to be able to brain dump it somewhere. This helps me to get it out and let it go. I also use an art journal where I use papers and other bits from around my house to make messy journal spreads which I cover with whatever musings are coming to me at the time. I find it really therapeutic.

Third is Meditation. Meditation is another practice that allows me to step out of my monkey mind and learn to find quiet within. I say practice because it is a daily practice and something that I am forever learning to improve. I do really love the guided meditations that take you on a journey through visualisations. They’re like travelling within my mind!

A few others include having bubble baths, reading and getting out in nature is a big one for me, although I haven’t been getting out as much as I should/would like to be doing.

So yeah, this is my musings on finding balance in motherhood and creating self care practices that nurture me and nourish me as a woman and mother.

I’d love to hear what your making a priority this year?

Big love, 

Jules xo