How do we integrate our cyclical nature as women whilst being mothers to babies/young people and space holders in the home?
As mothers the vast majority of our time is spent giving. Truly giving. When you become a mother a deeper layer of caring for others is initiated and activated. It’s something we move into as soon as our babies are earth side.
I noticed in the early weeks when I was still figuring out and integrating my birth experience and new reality, a deep grief came through me.
I say moved through me as it was quite fluid.. And I believe as a new mum its an essential part of the death rebirth process we go through from maidens into motherhood.
It’s a grieving process of the old way of life, where ease and flow could happen uninterrupted and undisturbed.
You are quickly and unexpectedly moved into a new reality, one which you had an idea about but don’t fully realise the magnitude of until you experience it.
Of truly giving.
But how do we give to ourselves in our inner winter (the menstruation/bleeding phase of our menstrual cycle) when our external reality is that of giving.. The majority of the time?
My first response to this is..
It takes time.
As you find your feet in your new role as mother, it takes time, to learn to find the time, to give to yourself.
You have to change your expectations drastically. Because a few hours of undisturbed time could be few and far between. Especially in the early days and even more so as they get older and nap less! Your new reality is short bursts of time here there and everywhere which fit into a daily routine of unpredictability that comes with having children.
A big theme for me is coming back into a being state, a flow state and allowing stillness to be my goal. Taking moments of pause to appreciate the moment, to watch the wind blowing the trees outside, to listen to the birds singing, to close my eyes and have connect to my breath.
Learning to listen to your cycle and take not of thoughts, feelings, triggers at different phases can really help you to identify where you’re at. I’ve noticed as I journey into my cycle that my inner autumn phase is that of dreamtime creativity but not productivity. I enter this dreamy researcher space at ideas seem to drop in. New projects, pieces of art or how I can change up my space to make it more functional and realign the energy of the space.
Connecting with your cycle and understanding where you’re at and communicating it with your partner and family can really help those around you to understand where you’re at. Whether it’s your ovulation phase (inner summer) where you are feeling energetic, socialable and radiant, or if your in your premenstrual phase (inner autumn) and starting to go inward, not really wanting physical touch and wanting your space. It’s also helpful if you prewarn partners or family members what phase is coming up so they can bare in mind your needs.
As your baby gets older and play becomes more independent, they can focus for longer lengths of time you will be able to carve out time to pause. To connect in with where you’re at In your cycle and start to notice patterns of how your energy ebbs and flows through out the cycle.
It’s taken me a couple of years of dabbling in and I’m getting more profound realisations as I go. I am really getting to know my cyclical nature and honoring that as part of me.
I share this with the intention to inspire you to connect to your cycles too.
Get a journal that you can use specifically for documenting where you’re at in your menstrual cycle. Note how you’re feeling, any triggers that come up, any physical symptoms your experiencing. See if the same types of experiences, thoughts and feelings happen in your next cycle.
Wild Power by Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer & Alexandra Pope- This is an incredible book that goes through the different phases of the cycle in lots of detail
If you have any questions please feel free to reach out!