It’s all good and well me being broody and wanting children but what if my man wasn’t in the same place?
This is the next part of the story.
I was broody for a good while, and the more we deepened our relationship the more broody I became. But what about my man? We are in a partnership after all, I couldn’t just make demands that this is what I wanted because that wouldn’t honour his needs, wants, dreams and desires.
So I started the communication with my man about feeling like I was edging towards being ready to start a family with him. To make sure that I opened up space for him to start to think about whether he was “ready” to have children.
The first thing that came up is responsibility. Because it is a HUGE responsibility. Having kids means that it doesn’t all revolve around you any more, you have to start thinking and being responsible for another human life. And that’s huge!!
My man wobbled, and rightly so. Things that he wanted to do with his life and achievements he wanted to make were suddenly brought into questioning. Can I still do that thing if I have a child? Can I still go on that adventure by myself that I have always wanted to do? But what about the kids? Life goals were brought up and I reassured my man that if there was something he wanted to do that was his dream of doing then he can absolutely go and do it. If he wants to go away for a week’s walking holiday (he loves his walking) then absolutely he must go and do it. Because I know he would want me to do the same.
I don’t want to hold my man back from having life experiences because we are in a relationship. Inevitably there will be things we both want to do that the other won’t want to do. And that’s okay. We trust and support each other to raise each other up.
I gave my man time and gentle reminders to think about it. I realised he would need time to ponder and reflect just as I had been doing internally. I have come to realise that there is never going to be a right time to have children. Whenever you do it, it is still going to call everything into questioning and you will get everything you need sorted, you will find the money from somewhere, you will find the support of your family and everything will work out.
It’s just the saying yes to it that’s the big thing because it is a life-changing experience. I feel lucky to be in a relationship where we have such beautiful, and of course as any relationship, challenging conversations about what our dreams are for our future together.
I feel grateful that this has been a well thought out, talked about journey we are both willing to go on.
When talking to my family about it I came to understand that when you find out your pregnant all that should we shouldn’t we fades away and you are dealt with the reality of it is now happening. And you get on with it.
So its fear that gets in the way and holds us back.
After stepping over the fear, or partly stepping through it we connected and decided to go for it…
Of course we had a lovely time trying!