Since finding my man life has taken a beautiful turn. I feel like I have found the man that helps raise me up, who supports me. I feel so truly comfortable with him that the journey I have been on since I have met him has got me to places I dreamed of just a few years ago.
Before I met my man I was at university studying Events Management, which meant my lifestyle was pretty crazy. I was working at bars till 4am, studying during the day, volunteering with events companies, face painting at events and making my own crafty creations to sell. Life was all fun and partying. I enjoyed it, I dressed up all the time, was covered in glitter, had fires in our back garden and I made some incredible friends. I think I did the student life pretty well and had some amazing adventures touring round the UK festival scene in various different roles from artist liaison, stage management, décor crews, children’s tents and having my very first festival stall.
At the beginning of our relationship when I graduated I moved up to Cumbria to be with my man and also to have a change of pace of life.
I didn’t realise until I made the move just how much the events and festival scene was taking its toll on me. I loved the busy lifestyle, meeting new people all the time and having fun but I needed some time to ground. To find out what I really wanted to do. Over a year or so we started to transition into settling into our relationship and visioning of what we wanted out future to look like.
My spiritual and emotional clearing journey got in full swing. I went through The Spiral, an emotional clearing process, joined women’s circles and explored parts of myself I had never faced. The importance of women’s circles, the gathering of sisters has had a monumental effect on who I am and gave me a safe space to find out who I am. To step into myself, with integrity and stand in my truth. It has taken a lot of work and is still an on-going process to shed and let go of old behaviour patterns I have had since I was a child and then had from my partying life as a student. But there is something I enjoy about facing the sludgy parts of myself, it’s somehow energising. It’s like I know it’s a difficult process to face yourself and stories that hold you back, but I know that if you face them life gets that little lighter. Manifestation becomes easier, connections expand, and my gratitude for life and the people in it grounds deeper. A lot of this women’s work I have been journeying through is about embodiment and connecting to our wombs and the magik of our menstrual cycles. I have become a huge advocate for women reconnecting to our menstrual cycles, to use them as an internal navigational system telling us when to go be busy and when to rest.
I have developed a huge passion for my soulful inner journey. By going into myself in this way it has made space for my wants and dreams to become clearer, it has allowed me to love myself, to love others more deeply. This space that opened up because of this work helped my relationship develop and over the past year and a half I started to develop a longing to become a mother. The womb explorations have taught me how to listen to my body allowed me to hear a calling my body was asking for to become a mother.
It seemed somehow different to just being broody, I found a fascination in realising just how incredible a woman’s body is. Creativity and art is my passion and life’s calling and the most creative thing a woman can do is to create life.
It absolutely amazes me everything I think about it. Through a beautiful union of man and woman, a woman’s body becomes a sacred holding space for life to develop.
For a year and a half I and explored the reasonings for this longing I was feeling. I worked through misplacing wanting to be pregnant with birthing idea babies, my dreams, my creative business and how I wanted to life my life. I started meditating and visualising my future family and children. Imagining what life would be like, what did I want it to look like?
I processed through a lot, but realised I want to support life, I want to raise my children up to wherever they need to be in life, to support, love, hold and cherish them. I wanted to commit myself to creating a beautiful family. To make these dreams and visualisations to become a reality.
So this is the beginning of the journey. The next part of this story is finding out.