Ahhhhh!!! FINDING OUT!
To be totally honest with you, I was a bugger for doing pregnancy tests at least once a month. I came off the copper coil about a year and a half ago. I was quite honestly sick of either having even more hormones pumped through me in the form of the contraceptive pill (which turned me totally crazy and into a mad woman at times) or having a contraceptive that was in my body at all times.
I wanted to give my body a breather of adding these extra hormones or having a piece of copper/plastic in me all the time. And I am so glad that I decided to come off contraception because it was then that I started to delve into the magik of the menstrual cycle.
I started connecting with women who were doing womb work and learned about the different phases of the cycle and how I could use them to my benefit. I started to know when I needed rest and time to retreat inwards, to have that bubble bath, to journal, to lounge around in my PJs and watch films or read my book (menstruation, inner winter).
I learned when I was starting to appear from the world and recognise when my energy levels were on the rise when Ideas were surfacing and seeds were being made ready to be planted (pre-ovulation, inner spring).
I started to understand when the best times were for me to go out and socialise with people. When I felt the most beautiful in myself and wanted to be out there in the world sharing my dreams and my gifts (ovulation, inner summer).
I recognised when my inner critic was coming into play and telling me to slow down, to prepare myself for retreating and rest. I started to listen to my sudden sharpness and mood swings, realising that it was because my boundaries were being crossed. (pre-menstruation- inner autumn)
The magik of our menstrual cycles is something I have become a big advocate for and there will be more on my site specifically for helping women reconnect with their menstrual cycle in a creative and reflective way.
Anyhooooo back onto babies!
So I knew that there was a massive chance that I was pregnant, I’d been tracking my cycle and realised it was 34 days long so my ovulation day must be a little later than “normal”. I did the pregnancy test a little too early and it was negative. Honestly, I was pretty gutted but then the impatient part of me realised that I had done the test like 5/6 days too early! I have always expected things to happen immediately and this was a challenge of patience haha!
The following week I did another test and saw a faint line. I mean really faint. To the point where I was taking photos of it to send to my best friend who is 11 weeks in front of me asking her to confirm if I was going crazy or not. I also went round to my mama bears to ask for her opinion. The consensus was to do another one the following morning, so I got one of those clear blue tests because the faint lines were driving me crazy and I needed a definite pregnant/not pregnant answer.
And yes I was pregnant. All of that broodiness had suddenly become a reality and I entered a state of disbelief, I kind of went numb. Or maybe it was a reality shift happening within me. Life was being started within me.
I had all these extravagant ideas of how to tell my man, but as soon as he came in from work he asked me straight outright if I was pregnant and I couldn’t hold it back and just said yes whilst we were cuddling. Which I don’t think he expected. He walked around the house asking me if I really was pregnant until reality sunk in and we smiled and laughed at the new journey we were about to embark on together.
Reality shifted for my man, I noticed that he suddenly became this unwavering tree of support, love, care, and protection. I guess maybe it’s programming of survival days where he stepped into protection mode for his woman and child.
Which I must say I absolutely adore.
Mmmmmmm what a day finding out was. I think I was in the reality shift bubble for probably about a week. The day I told my man I was on a call with all of my women from Deep Inner Knowing a women’s inner journey/womb exploration I have been a part of. It was connection call that evening and when it was my turn to speak I sat there held my by women and sobbed. It was a beautiful moment of release. It was in celebration, of excitement, of reality shifting, of nervousness for the journey ahead, for gratitude and gratefulness that I am capable of creating life. I was held so beautifully by my women who cried along with me. I will never forget that moment. Because in It I surrendered my fear of judgment and allowed myself to show up vulnerably and release my process with them all.